Obama said today that we should open more of the “oil reserves” in Alaska, as a way to reduce dependence on foreign oil!

They want to do more drilling on the north slope, which is the most pristine part of one of the most pristine places on earth, and also the place where about a zillion caribou go to calve every year on their yearly migration. They HAVE to calve up there, because during that part of the summer the black flies get REALLY REALLY BAD, and they crawl under the caribou’s skin and lay eggs, and the only place to escape them is in the nice strong sea breezes, on the coast of the Bering sea, right on top of all the oil. And if the caribou can’t escape the flies that swarm the tundra during those few summer weeks, THE CARIBOU DIE. And do you know what happens when an oil company buys a big piece of land (besides all the petroleum leaking into the ground)? FENCES. LOTS AND LOTS OF FENCES. FENCES STRETCHING FOR HUNDREDS, AND HUNDREDS, AND HUNDREDS OF MILES.

I don’t remember the exact statistic, but I read once that the amount of oil under the north slope would supply the US with petroleum for like five days or something.

FIVE FUCKING DAYS.

Excuse me, I am going to go U-lock my neck to some caribou