Anxiety on top of anxiety.
I fly south to San Diego from Portland in three weeks, and all of my irrational fears about the trail (something is going to go horribly wrong, the trail is going to turn into a wall of fire, western civilization is going to collapse into a police state RIGHT when I get to Campo and/or I have cancer) along with all the things I still need to do (shop for and make my resupply boxes, sell my van, purge my things, somehow get my resupply boxes to Portland, renew my passport, where will I store my stuff? And why hasn’t my pack arrived yet?) are hanging over me, crushing me into a sort of immobility where the only thing I WANT to do is read online trailjournals via the PCT journalist and obsess about last-minute wardrobe changes, for example-
Should I wear these shorts?
I don’t remember being this anxious last year but then we don’t remember these sorts of things, do we. I think I slept a whole half hour the night before my flight out of Portland so I must’ve been feeling SOMETHING.
I changed my start date to April 25th- I’d planned on going to kickoff and then I realized that it didn’t make sense to just hang around for another week after that, waiting to start. So I fly into San Diego on the 24th and on the 25th I’ll hike from Campo to kickoff.
Also, I have an instagram now! I’m going to put a bunch of photos there during my hike. Although I don’t know why I gave myself more things to do on the internet. I spend too much time on the internet. At least I’m not, like, a heroin addict? And thru-hiking breaks my addiction, at least for as long as I’m on the trail. It’s one of the BEST things about it. Although I do have withdrawals in the beginning. I remember last year I was laying around in the heat of the day and my thoughts were opening into each other like browser windows, and I felt this sort of aching…
Thought- why is women’s outdoor clothing always in toddler colors? For fucking serious. Do they really think that adult women want to look like toddlers? Seafoam green? Salmon? Periwinkle? Really? Really? It’s fucking depressing.
Also, do you know I have this fantasy where I eat a blackberry pie over and over, into infinity?
Here are a few of the trail journals I’ve been reading- I think they show real promise re: entertainment value and I’ll probably keep reading them on the trail, desperately stabbing at my phone on ridgetops, trying to get a signal.
Korbi! His blog is SO GOOD SO FAR. His current tendonitis may be a total bummer for him, but in a larger sense it’s actually functioning as an awesome literary technique called INTRODUCING DOUBT, aka I AM SO ADDICTED TO THIS BLOG BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS and whether or not he emerges triumphant.
Slow Bro, aka Gentlemen Doctor Writes In His Journal And It’s Wonderful For Everyone.
Berlynn. I just want to know what happens on the trail.
James. Because he’s heartfelt, vulnerable, sincere… and because he’s carrying a camp chair that weighs 1.5 pounds. I just… I just want to see what happens.
NotaChance. She last hiked the PCT in 2012, and her 2012 journal was my favorite, favorite, FAVORITE journal that I read before my 2013 hike. I was so inspired by her- her no-fucks-given writing style, her sense of humor, her gear list! She gave me hope that maybe, contrary to the demographics of the online hiking forums, where the same five trolls man-splained every thread into the ground, there would be lots of smart, badass, fearless women on the trail. And it was true! This year NotaChance is hiking the trail again, for the FOURTH TIME. And not only that, but we’re starting on the SAME DAY. Read her journal! EVERYBODY WINS.
UPDATE: Wait, I found another good one! This guy Rob! And he’s already started!!
There are probably so many other really good journals that I don’t even know about. If I wasn’t already hiking I’d most likely spend the whole summer glued to my computer, reading them. …So it’s probably better that I’m hiking.
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