I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid of frostbite

I’m in Alaska. I’m almost to my destination! I’m in a hotel room with the heat way up, washing my dirty t-shirts in the tub. Tomorrow I hitch the last 200 miles!

I think the Canadian gods played a cruel joke on me today, on account of my pretentious blog title. Not afraid of winter, eh? And so then I had to hitch-hike in like the most wintry conditions this side of ten years ago. I would never, EVER set out to hitch-hike in this bullshit. I even brought extra stuff (I have a pack and a fucking SUITCASE and a bag of food) because I THOUGHT I had a ride all the way to Alaska. And then my ride rolled over in the snow bank and got all busted up, and that was that. I would never ever set out to hitch-hike in below zero weather, in the blowing snow, ALONE, in the middle of NOWHERE, with three pieces of luggage. Dear god! And so today was the universe’s cruel joke on me. And not only that, but the well-meaning First Nations folks who housed me last night, fed me moose meat and good conversation and a warm clean bed, in the morning they dropped me off at what they had described as a “great” place to hitch-hike- a gas station just a few miles outside of town. They dropped me off and drove away- and then I realized that said gas station was CLOSED. Just like two out of three of the gas stations in the Yukon, in wintertime. And so I stood there, sort of hopping in place, thanking god that my back was to the wind, and one car drove by, I shit you not, every twenty minutes. There were buildings here and there, off in the woods, but they were all shuttered, closed down, seasonal places. And the snowy wind just sort of drifted across the slick, icy road, and I felt my toes go numb one by one, and I stuffed my hands deeper in my pockets in their wool gloves but I couldn’t quite make them warm, and when a car would pass I would wave my hands in the air, like the boy in Hatchet when he is stranded and sees a plane and wants to be rescued, and the driver would just smile at me standing there on the blowing deserted roadside and wave and drive away, a cloud of gritty ice bits blasting me in their wake. And eventually I gave up and ran across the road and tried to break into a closed-up cabin via a window they had left open a crack, so I could make a fire and warm myself, but my hands were too numb to push the screen it, and so I started to cry, even though I had been trying not to, and I could feel the tears freezing on my eyelashes…

Finally I walked back to the road coming out of the village so I could catch someone local going back the other way, to a gas station I’d seen that was actually open, in Destruction Bay. A couple guys picked me up and I climbed gratefully into their ashtray of a car, packed with hockey sticks and a cute bug-eyed dog that cowered on the floorboards, obviously beaten. I took my hands from my gloves and found that I couldn’t uncurl my pinky finger. I rubbed it on my pants and pet the dog with my numb, cold paws. They dropped me off in Destruction Bay at the gas station/diner/motel, big gleaming log structure, and I piled my things at one of the tables and ordered a chili cheese burger without the bun. In the bathroom I peed, and afterward found that I still couldn’t use my hand well enough to button my fly. Almost crying again, I ran my hand under warm water in the sink until it finally felt normal. And suddenly there was a little bruise there, at the base of my index finger- my very first minor case of frostbite! It didn’t hurt or anything, just looked like a half-faded bruise. I looked at it in the mirror, proud. I had gotten frostbite while hitch-hiking! The most minorest of frostbites! Winter had bitten me!

The cheeseburger was mediocre and overpriced. I tried to hitch again in the blowing white, but the wind defeated me, and I plodded back inside the gas station to wait for northbound Alaskans to pull up at the pump so I could harass them at my leisure. The counter clerk and the waitress became my Yukon support team, cheering me on as I waited for a ride, and the waitress even let me use her phone card since my cellphone wasn’t getting reception in Canadia. A wealthy-looking couple in a pickup truck with a camper that was hitched to a boat pulled up and I asked them if they were going to Alaska. They said yes, and I could come along! The ride was beautiful, bright yellow winter sun-ball breaking through the snow-haze and gleaming on the blank white mountains, rounded and perfect in their winter coats. Below us stretched epic land-before-time style valleys, and herds of caribou, and there was even a red fox, stalking the roadside unafraid, which we stopped to take pictures of. The couple turned out to be wonderful liberals who hated Sarah Palin and didn’t believe in sport hunting or procreation. We listened to Cds of this guy who studies myth and religion talking about the traditional stories that you see in almost every spirituality of the world- the great hero myth being the most common, and the three different ways the hero character can manifest- as a person who dies and is born again, as a person who defeats some great evil, as a person who is a vehicle for the energy of Life itself. At one point we stopped at an overlook and startled a flock of ravens who were eating the eyes from a caribou head. It had small bone antlers that I wanted, and I waded into the snow and attempted to dislodge them. I wanted to send them to a friend in the lower 48, as a talisman against her sadness. But I couldn’t get them off the furry skull, and left the whole thing there for the ravens.

My ride was headed to Anchorage but not all the way tonight, and besides I want to go to the Interior, so after they took me three hundred miles they bought me this hotel room so that I might be spared from the freezing snowbankz. I opened a can of disappointing Canadian black beanz, and here I am. And for you tonight, dear faithful reader, I have wildlife and mountain picturez! And pictures of my travel-mates, before we split up. Not pictured- the coyote I saw crossing the road when leaving Whitehorse! (you just have to imagine it.)


south of Prince George


would you go eighty on these roads?


Barry and Meadow


sleepy dramz hotel room self-portrait


the promised land!





Lake Kluane


near Destruction Bay


closed gas station where I tried to hitch-hike. Fucking cold!


fox friend!





digging in the snow for twigz

8 thoughts on “I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid of frostbite

  1. I’m glad you made it there ok. That’s too cold for hitching. Frostbite hurts… it can make you more susceptible to the cold later too. Get some of those big ol’ gauntlet mitts, I had some beaver ones once upon a time… So very beautiful up there tho. Powerful big sky.

  2. Some of those pictures are absolutely stunning!
    You are the only person I have known, Carrot, who would go chasing after winter in the suv of some asshole elite and then crash but be fine but be stranded with frozen tears and a nip from mother nature but is fine! I’m going to ask Her to please play nice with you! You’re too precious.

  3. What an incredible adventure! I will speak to frostbite and it is scary. Be careful up there! Next time you’re in Whitehorse, you should drop down the White Pass highway and hitch a ferry for a visit. 🙂

  4. carrot!
    i am so sad, filled with heart sadness and portland and blech and today i read your blog and looked at the beautiful nature picturez and they made me happy for a second. all those beautiful animals! the fox! the cariboo!
    your poor finger! the overpriced bunless cheeseburger! voluntarily going up into the tundra!
    if there are multiple talismans, please send.
    also, be careful!
    also, please take multiple photos of wilderness animals!

  5. Renee- beaver mitts- I wants them!

    Sloth- thanks, friend! adventure travel is definitely my comfort zone, of all things!

    Jill- After what you went through to get frostbite, your boot freezing to yr leg and whatnot, I couldn’t believe it when I got a little spot of it so easily! And I’ll totally come to Juneau sometime, and say hi!

    Shera- thanks!

    Adrienne! I will find an arctic taslisman against the damp northwest sickness, and I will send it to you. All the moisture is frozen here, the air is so dry my hair sticks out in static! The promised land! And the snow is so bright and the sun doesn’t set till 8:30! I’m going to have to get some sunglasses!

  6. hey- it’s emmit from myspaceworld. you got picked up by my friends! I just saw barry yesterday in the bookstore in Fairbanks…… glad you made it!

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