Thursday was a non-day, like a day that didn’t happen. No objects moved through space, the cold sun sat still, no dogs barked. The only things respirating were the trees. On Thursday I was two dimensional. Essays accumulated in that bottomless, timeless place where written words go. I don’t remember what I ate- some kale, ground turkey, eggs. Corn tortillas. Food has begun to bore me, the things I eat over and over and over. I want to discover new food, like discovering a new land. I want to discover new food that does not have a prohibitive price tag. Carrots cannot be the only thing I can afford. I know that it is Time that I do not have, that all foods are possible with Time. Cooking. Things need to be prepared.
My jaw was swollen all day, and painful. The flesh around my wisdom tooth was throbbing and hard. I just wanted to pet the cat and sleep.
For a moment I rode my bike, and the wind blew and a little rain fell, and then I was sitting in a cold windowless fluorescent room, stark white, shivering and hungry, for three and a half hours. My only consolation was the dolmas I had brought.
Home at night I crawled into bed and felt the pain grow larger. I felt my lower teeth gently push against each other. I felt my bones growing. I felt my skull jostling. It made a satisfying ache. I rolled over, weary and restless. I turned the lamp on and off again. I got up to pee outside in the grass, with the lights of the freeway staining the dark night grey. I opened the window. I took a vicodin and lifted the cat from the corner of the bed and pulled her under the covers. She was small and silky and warm. She curled into my chest. She stretched her paw up to touch my hand, she rested her wet chin on my forearm. She purred with her small broken rattle. I slept.
Today I woke early. Corinne appeared, in a cheerful red hat, and woke me up gently, with cuddles. She held me like a little bat with my wings folded up while I whined about my jaw. We made injera for breakfast, and ate it with our eggs. Then I was suddenly late, and had to go. I rushed downtown and missed my appointment. It didn’t matter, because the fog was out and that was beautiful. I got an oatbran muffin and ate it in the park, with my ibuprofen. I had more dolmas. I had chicken and rice and leafs for lunch, after class. I biked home in the sunshine and sat with Toby in the backyard, talking loudly. Corinne came by, her arms full of bags, while I was sweeping. She peeled garlic and sheep’s cheese. We are going to have gluten-free pizza! And now I must go make the salad! Tomorrow is my dentist’s appointment. This half-buried tooth will be torn from its swollen, pulsing, tender socket. WHAT RELIEF. I cannot wait.